so longgg

so long since i updated.
My life has taken a turn and im kinda sure i wont regret it.
No jobs are ever easy,i know that,
but the motivation comes from the money im taking overseas .
wanna go Maldives so much,so peaceful & romantic there .
but i guess my first stop will be somewhere i can afford for now .
will be gg back to poly next year , dono why my parents just don understand a fcuk about what i want .
But well , im used to it anyways .
so now, gonna save $$$$$$$$$$$$$ and go overseas :D
guess i will be gg overseas a few times this year if i can.

ouh

It's back to haunt me again .
Medicine = useless
somehow nowadays i prefer smoking red , gives me more amount of relaxation.
I don't put as high hopes as before now,because everytime i do,i end up fcuking disappointed.
I can't use the word tired anymore , because im tired of being tired.

:|

may have adopted a more positive outlook in life ?
man,should i just endure for 3 more years in school or do the things i wanna do before i die .

speechless

nothing to say . IMMA speechless

:(

I feel so complicated inside .
I DON WANT !
it feels different , feels weird.
after so many stupid & childish quarrels .
they say the r/s usually gets stronger after that but things are turning out the wrong way ,maybe cos we handled it wrongly.
my energy is drained ..
im sick of pretending to smile when i feel unhappy.
I'm gonna do something about it ,because i love you.
this cannot go on any further , the fucked up feelings of mine.
but it takes 2 hands to clap.
are you willing to put in the effort & clap with me ?

FML .

Seriously, i wanna quit school and take up beauty courses outside.
should i go ahead with my rash decision or continue being the typical s'porean studying to get a diploma to survive .
I should get a life now,since the person i wanted most to care,didn't .
nevermind ,im gonna stop whining alr,cos im getting irritating.

>:(

I only got three words to say : FUCK MY LIFE .
I know it sounds pessimistic or whatever ,but ,im feeling exactly this way right now,right at this moment,and again im alone in my room whining about it .
Why can't there be like anyone beside me when im suddenly PMS-ing .
I want time to stop now ,i don't want tomorrow to come,no no no !!!
Ouh, just fuck it .
why am i saying all these crap here,since ppl won't bother to notice or whatever .
Yes,im seeking attention now,that's what i need now,care and attention .
I'm greedy , curse me .

Yo what's up my niggas .

I'm so nervous about tmr !
omfg , what should i wear ?
formal teacher attire =.= no shorts,no slippers,no jeans FML .
so tired these few days ,didn't sleep well ,which idk why .
heard that there may be no school for the whole of next week cos of E learning week,
OMG DEAR GOD,I PRAY THAT IT'S TRUE PLEASE :)))))))
How i dread Wednesdays and especially Thursdays,longest days in school,longest time to get the fuck home .
That day i poured everything out in my heart , about my 'nice' lil family .
Somehow i feel that im getting more and more 'fragile' as the days go by .
more prone to getting teared eyes .
I don't want that,i hate myself for being sucha weakling !
maybe it's some sort of an impact left during my pathetic childhood days .
All that beatings ,cursing,swearing was really enough ,enough .
I wanna be how i was after all those ,immune to stuff .
But it's not easy,cos im a human with emotions everyone has .
And when YOU said : they don't understand,I understand .
I felt ecstatic for a moment, yet fearful that there will be a day you wouldn't wanna understand anymore . But im really gald there's finally YOU in my 'emo' days when i needed someone , cos you weren't in any of those days before when you're busy or when i didn't wanna let you know in order not to add on to your burden .
I ought to feel blessed right ? cos i do HAVE someone there,and not just anyone ,but a special someone .
How i wish time would just stop everytime i'm with you . Do you feel the same ?
Okay guys,sorry to whine so much in my posts .. But i guess LIFE= life isn't fucking easy . haha !

gosh

It's sad Sunday again ,tmr Monday blues .
OH MAN, Why isn't there a holiday for poly students tmr ?!
I don wanna go school :(((((((((((((((((((((
I want my beauty sleep , i want to finish the Breaking dawn book,i wanna see my mushroom . LOL .

:(

Bad night for sleeping,why do nightmares just love to be with me while im sleeping.
I'm always feeling real unhappy,real upset,or real ''emo'' after i woke up.
Is there any way to stop these ? or anyone to be the someone to take me away from those nightmares..
weekends always pass by so quickly, WHY :(((
i like my class but i don like school cos of the assignments and all..
omfg,and especially the fucking long distance to and fro.
IM feeling super uber stressed and worn out .
Any kind souls to console me ?

A LONG DAY

OMFG,i pulled through today which a an extremely longggg day .
Im so worn out ,and yet ppl still have the energy to push and squeeze in trains .
i really hope SMRT will consider reconstructing trains to become longer or have more seats .
and i really hate rude typical s'poreans who don't apologise after they pushed you , FUCK .
mannn, poly life really isn't for a person like me,i regretted no taking some beauty courses outside or whatever ..
but im glad my classmates are nice .
Another issue that is bothering me is i really care about how others look at me .
As a matter of fact, I hate to pretend to be someone else .
So when ppl ask or see my smoke ,i will just continue ,
or even if they know about my nightlife and the occasional drinks i go for .
BUT,i know alot of ppl will think im 'indecent' or whatsoever ,
i mean,i just wanna be myself in front of ppl ,or even find friends who accept me for who i am .
well ,i really hope ppl will treat me like a real fren,instead of 'pretending' to be my fren .
Gosh,im realllyyy stressed up by one lil assignment ,cos i really dono how to go about doing it ,how to start ,how to research .

boring day

Start school at 3 end at 5 just for S&W ?!
and tmr all theeee way till 6 :(
i'm thinking how to go about doing my individual assignment on obese children .
Maybe i should start organising my thoughts on a piece of paper first .
The worst part is actually the researching part,
cos there must be at least 5 info,and only 2 can be from the internet .
So i guess i have to head down to the library after dono how many years of not stepping into one .
I want to give it my best shot , but thinking about the word limit and the possibility of gg out of point,
it makes me shiver .
Oh man,it's just a pathetic piece of assignment !
Why am i so bothered about it ,or maybe it's because i don't want to go back to my old ways again as well as wasting precious time .
Although im still not very close to my classmates,but they're friendly,no doubt about that ,
i really hope we can be like other classes which are so bonded and united .
It's 10.30 now ,and im hungry already .
kinda looking forward to hip-hop later HAHA !
guess it should be fun with the 'lecturer' we have .
i guess i'll stop here for now ,plan plan plan .. today is all about planning ,no matter big or small .

heyaa !

Okay,it has been like 1 , 2 years since i blogged ?
feel kinda weird to blog again though lol .
But , im really bored .
If you are so kind to take your time off & read my blog pls don read my archives cos they're horrible,some made me laugh and some made me wonder why i wrote those ..
okay i've like got sooo many things to say these 2 years but i'll just cut it short.
So i manage to clear my O levels and proceed to poly .
But i don't really enjoy poly life ,i missed the days working in Club NaNa,
it was one of the happiest moments of my life .
Maybe because of the env , and got to know alot of people .
And most importantly ,i got to know someone who's part of my life now :)
well, okay i guess there are some point of time in my life that fucks me but i couldn't get over it at first , because there wasnt any form of commmunication or solving of problems .
But now i know everytime things happen,i shouldn't run away from it & should face it .
okay it's damn easy to say,but effing hard to do .
People judge me by my looks thinking im strong, but no .
I may be damn stupid to admit im weak or fragile inside , but that's me .
and pls don't ever mess with my heart be it friends ,family or boyfriend .
you don't know what will happen .
I can be very positive and crazy at times ,
but when im pessimistic,i will do the craziest things ever ,maybe it isn't a good thing but that's my way of dealing with things i guess .
Anyway there are SOO much more things i wanna type,but im lazy LOL.
so i'll just end this post off with the hope that everything will remain as it is ,as smoothly as now .

Lastly,don fuck around with me,thank you .